Dream 8/26/09

So, it started off in a home I didn't know, and I was with some friends, searching this home at night for kicks, we heard that it was haunted, and so we wanted to know what was up.

I remember beginning to sense that people were there, and I told my friends, hey I think people are here, we started lookin and sayin 'hello? Anyone here' sorta stuff. I guess I was the only one that felt a presence, cause my friends got bored and took off, but I stayed.

Of course, I felt that feeling like your being watched but it was a full moon that night,and light was seeping in from the windows, just giving enough light around the home, to make faint shadows of everything.

I started noticing that some of these shadows were moving. They only moved when I wasn't looking straight at them. Out of my periphery, I could see them quickly dart away. But the shadows seemed like nothing more than blurs.

But I guess I was adiment that these blurs or shadows were something else. I started talking to the shadows, and trying to coax them to do something to me, and the shadows began to move more,right in front of me, and soon I was being attacked and swept by these shadows. It didn't hurt, it just felt like wind. So I sort of started laughing at them, and a few shadows, came in front of me and materialized as people, but they were dark like shadows, almost sillouette's. One asked why I was laughing and I just told them I thought ghost were funny. And they said 'we're not ghosts. What are ghosts?' and I told them that they were the spirits of dead people, and they became really inquisitve and said 'people die?' for whatever reason, the concept of death and birth was foreign to them. And I sat down with these shadows, that looked human, only dark and grey, and almost flat like paper.. And I asked them 'well if your not ghosts, what are you?' and they said 'we are dark matter' and I woke up

I wrote this a while back and never finished. Unfortunately, I don't know where I was going with it, but I see now that it's pretty cool.

Does this begin with an opening sequence?
This visual Life, is it mirrored for me?
That's your life, that I pretended was mine,
till I saw how it ended and I pulled on the breaks.
So here I am now.
Screaming, "Oh my lord, not me as well!"
Close the curtains, and close up the casket.
All I ever looked for was the lives of the others.
Never focusing on the destiny of my very own.
I skipped that bridge, when I saw another get burned
I drove across the United states when I saw the plane dive.

I feel like I'm going crazy tonight. Its probably that I need more sleep but I am fit to be tied. Emphasis on feeling tied. I think I get in these moods where I feel like I can't be satisfied, I can't scream loud enough, run fast enough, or laugh hard enough. Ecstacy seems the goal and it is unreachable. Is this what a druggy feels like coming off a high? Sure makes me not wanna do that stuff huh? Uggh.. So many things I wish I could say. So many things should say. But this is nor the time nor the place. Maybe someday my words will have a place. Until then.. I guess I just have my music

Another chill day. I'm listening to DJ shadow, and chillen in borders, cause my job effing rocks. Anyways, I went to a customers house this morning, and when we finished, my co-worker asked the gentlemen at the door, 'what is that tattoo of on your arm?'. I hadn't noticed his arm before, and at a glance his tattoo looked more like a scar of a surgery, because the coloring was read. I was very glad my co-worker asked what it read because it was written in gaelic. The quote said

'what we do in a lifetime will echo through eternity.'

How rad is that? It made me think. I'm really happy with my life as a wole for the most part. I could be in so many different situations, and i've made som dumb mistakes, but at the same time were totally necessesary for me to learn what life is. Can we really expect ourselves to not screw up? Life has taught me:

The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block is how you use it.

its the same as the lemon/lemonaide metaphor, but I feel like this relates better for me. I just wanna live a life that I can look back at and be proud of. Just like any builder or artist does with his or her project. We can only ask, did we use the skills we have for ourselves to the best of our ability, and our life, will be symbolically like a dedicated artists, masterpiece. One would hope.

Into the eternities, I know god will understand that I am no scientists, and my works in science will be but a miniscule portion compared to a gentleman like Albert Einstein. I know this. But god will see my strength in the arts, and see my strengths with my personality, and see that I have done my best to utilize them in a way to help other people in there hunt/quest for solice/nirvana/heaven. I just wanna be there for people so that my good works will echo through there voices, into the eternities that I was a good person