On Growing up:

Today has been insightful. Lot's of things happened in a very few short hours.

This morning I woke up late. I was again realized that when you get up in the morning, you should just stay up. Don't go back to bed and try to pick up a little nappy-nap. Just go out and DO! But I suppose had I done that, maybe alot of these things that happened to me today wouldn't have?

I went to work and felt the feeling of confidence. The fact that I was about to start and finish a job all by myself. Working for my dad, and installing solar panel systems is not cheap. The cheapest systems can cost more than 10,000 dollars easily, and I have worked on jobs that have been upward around 100,000 dollars. Confidence, is knowing that you've been entrusted to take care of job that dozen people depend on you to finish correctly, or else they don't get paid.

I had a short day today, and when I went to go home, I stopped at Del Taco, and I bought some lunch. But before I pulled into the parking lot there was a man with a sign that said, "Anything will help, God Bless". I don't give money to bums. I don't like thinking of them wasting it on boo's or on drugs, or any other sort of vice that will only inhibit a road to recovery. But I went over to him, and I talked to him anyways, and I asked if I could by him lunch. After I finished, I returned and gave him the food.

It was a hard decision to make to give this guy food because I"m limited on my money as well, and I need to make every dollar count, but even though I only had 10 dollars to my name, he still had zero. I'm so thankful for everything that I've been given. I have a house. I have a car. I have a job with my father, and I have a new job lining up at the end of this month.

It made me also think of the concept of a willingness to give and a concept of a forced upon unwillingness that makes us HAVE to give. I don't want to HAVE to do anything. I want to be able to make my own choices, and give when I see fit, and as a good human being and person, I should give always, and more people should be like that.

I don't want a Government that forces it's tax payers to give to the poor, or food stamps, or any of these things, I want a government and a nation that freely gives. Call me an idealist, and you call yourself a realist, and we'll meet in between and say that that isn't possible, but John Lennon said, "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one". I wonder how many Dreamers their are in the world.

I also thought about this man's poor fortune of being homeless, and thinking of the possible reasons why he was where he was, seeing that he had no front teeth, and seeing possibly the scars of punctures in his arm, this man was at one time a druggy, or a tweaker, and maybe he still. It makes you think of the utter destruction drugs will bring upon man and civilizations. Fuck plagues and pestilence, there is more destruction in the power of human desires. I'm so glad I'm fearful of drugs. I'm so glad I hate taking tylenol when I have a headache. I'm so glad just an ounce of concentrated caffeine will me almost completely dysfunctional. Anxiety and fear is my anti-drug... Kidding.

I drove home and was pulled over by a cop. I didn't learn anything from this, but the cop was nice, and all I got was a fix it ticket. I have until june to make my car pass smog. Wish me luck... Life is a huge lesson, and art picture, and musical opus, and a grave, and bitch, and simple breath-in-breath-out, a test, a question mark, and a time to perfect ourselves for the life to come.