Crazy dream time

BeI woke up at 3 this morning realizing I had had this dream and frantically wrote down key words that would help me recall this. They only half worked but I do remember the meat of the story.

I remember my friend who was a very stunningly beautiful blonde was with me and we were taking some time to make desserts, and I had brought her to a pantry that was in a house and it had two entrances. We went through one entrance and surveyed the shelves for ingredients. When we had found what we wanted we made our way to the other entrance we had not before gone through.

I had done this on purpose, because I knew on that as we would leave that pantry on the other side of the door we would be met by a powerful unseen presence. I wanted to try to scare her and have her hold me close. Little did I know thay this young lady was only too familiar with spiritual apparitions.

As we walked out, her body stiffened and a fear washed over her face. Almost like a smoke detector detects carbon in the air, she became very alert of this new spirit.
Her eyes wide she whispered to me "why did you do this?" And I began to wonder the same. Her movement began to be as she exclaimed, "I see him! Oh my god its awful" and she described to me the figure translucent figure of a general from world war one. Dressed in full fatigues and a large white beard, he was aware of his now visible to her and I could see this in her eyes. "we have to leave she said." And I did not question her, we walked quickly but as we walked away the spirit followed. Which was new because I had messed with this ghost before and never had it followed.

We ran quickly now, and somehow ran through an old chapel and out two huge double doors that seemed 20 feet high. I was sure he would not leave the building, but much to my surprise this fragile girl screamed proclaiming through no specific words his menacing presence. In my dream the perspective suddenly changed as I watched my body hoisted in the air by my throat by some invisible force. I Hung helplessly from this grasp for a time, and I levitated in the air, the girl began to cry. Without any warning of any kind, I was suddenly thrown, into a nearby pond, and in that moment, I woke up, just as I hit the water.

Then I went on wrote down these key words. desserts, visits, blonde, pantry, ghost, wwi, church, levitate, water.

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That song so beautiful. You even said youd destroy me in your words, but that voice too damn beautiful for me to just turn off. God, damn my love. God, damn this love. God, damn that voice. God, let dam break. Let it flood me.

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I'm not even sure why as of late I've started blogging so much. Don't get me wrong, I like having a little space of the interwebs to call my home. But ive had different blue periods of thought and writing, and whatever reason now I am writing like a mad fiend. I suppose I am slightly mad, but then did you ever see that movie angus? There is no normal.

In the wake of the tragic suicides of kids who have takin there lives because of bullies, I think kids should watch that movie for inspiration. It is a story of a young social outcast who is paired to be prom king with the high cheerleading captain who is very popular. The outcast has been thrust into this position to be taunted and ridiculed.

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Oh its been some time now hasn't it!!!

Hey, where did November go? Ummmmmm..

Well this month was full of fun activities. I found some new bands. Actually, november was a time for musical discovery. Probably during the beginning of summer, a lot of things began to change. I had some very emotionally rude awakenings that made me think about what I was doing with my life. I had an "oh shit" moment, because the last time I had had an "Oh shit" moment I shrugged it off. God saw fit that I should have another "Oh shit" moment and so I think I began to listen this time.

In listening, I started needing to re-establish myself, get some bearings, by some new shoes, find a new path, put on a new CD, pick out a new book, get a new face, learn some new words, eat a little better, and otherwise, make a turn for the better. So I did alot of those things, and I picked up a lot of new voices.

When I say voices, I mean I picked up some new objects, or people, or books, or anything that spoke to my heart. I was looking for something to talk to me spiritually or metaphysically different than before. I picked up some new voices that alot of my friends liked that I hadn't really paid attention to. I picked up the Avett brothers, more bright eyes, Manchester orchestra, Right away great captain, M. Ward, Rocky Votalato, came back to Iron and Wine, Elvis Costello. I just looked for things that spoke softly. That didn't scream at me.

In in almost 24 years, I had grown accustom to intensity. Intense music, intense hair and clothing styles, intense concepts, and intense feelings of anxiety. But you can only take that for so long, and it was time to begin to let that stuff go. So there you go, now I'm back to where I was two paragraphs ago.

It's all about finding solace, and making yourself a better person than you were yesterday. Boy it sure gets tough sometimes doesn't it? It's tough because we get easily caught in thinking, "Well I'm doin better than so and so" Well, yeah you are, but if they're goin down hill, then so are you. You gotta make your own personal goals and stick to them!!

When it comes to where I am now, there are some things I wish I could just skip. I wish I could just skip college, have all the knowledge that you need after you finish your degree, and I wish I was in my career! I'm 25, and I have no career, which is slightly depressing. Only because Im now 7 years out of high school... I had 3 years to screw around to figure out what I wanted to do, and then in the last 4 years I shoulda been done with school. Here I am now just barely getting concerned on where I'm gonna transfer...

But you can't get caught in that feeling for too long. Anyways, So in November I went to a few shows (FINALLY!!!) I made a new friend who loves concerts as much as I do, so now I'll have a concert buddy once again. I saw Colour Revolt and Circa Survive. Colour Revolt has been very inspiring to me lately because they're writing the sort of stuff I wanna write. If we did a percentage of how their style matched the way I wanted to do my music, then we are 75% percent compatable! I completely love their music and want to do what they do, but throw in some piano, some different instruments like violin, brass, etc like they do in The Dear Hunter, and then maybe some reverb, delay, atmospheric stuff they do in Circa Survive, and you've got what I want!!!!

My brother is getting married this coming month, and I'm goin to So-Cal!!! HIGH FIVES!! Very excited to see my fam. It's been a very long time since I've seen them all, so I'm very excited for that. Mitch is getting married so props to him and steph for hoppin on the marriage train. I'm sure we'll dance and party and go crazy. My good friend Sugar will be accompanying me, so it will be great to have to her to laugh at everyone we see.

Oh I dunno. I went to bed at like 9 last night, which was too early because I woke up with a headache this morning. That wasn't very cool I thought. But whatever. Anyways... this is more of an update post I guess.