Grab cup. Gently put straw into mouth. SIIIIIIPPP. Enjoy taste of tea. Swallow. Repeat.
Simple right? Usually, but then throw in the fact that you are enjoying your tea in a town that you didn't really expect yourself to be in. It's not really that it is a bad town, or that the situation is even close to being life threatening, it's just the fact that sometimes you don't expect to be in certain places, good and bad. God gives us blessings, sometimes they are to enjoy, sometimes they are there for growth. I think this one might be for growth.
I'm home! I'm back in Southern California, for the next foreseeable future. I'm content, mostly. I don't want to be back in with my parents because I'm too damn indepedent, and I feel like at 24 you should try to live on your own if possible, so I hopefully will be able to do that SOON!
I've got a lot to do in the next coming weeks. I need to MOVE! I need to get a new job, I need to collect unemployment if possible, I need to enjoy my friends that I've had for years out here, and I need to start new friendships, and maybe relationships?? All these sound like fine ideas to me, and I think I have a lot of good things going for me.
I got a few bad things going for me as well. I still have debt. I have a car that hasn't passed smog yet. I have some rent that I need to pay to a kind friend in Seattle. I have a new ticket from the retarded WA state police. Oh and I found a ticket from when I got back to my car when I got off the BART. But I'm not here to be negative, I'm just tellin myself this so I can remember how good I was at shucking and jiving at this sorta stuff.
I'm super excited though! I got a new camera! I just bought a canon XSi and I can't be more thrilled about it! I love art, and I love photography and I can't wait to start a new project and to start learning about the photography world. Recently I started writing for a website www.indierockreviews.com and I've been having a super enjoyable time doing that. The only problem is, is I've felt a little bit limited because all the writers have cameras and I didn't! Now I do and we're off to the races!
I'm really excited because I've wanted to go into journalism for the past year, and this is an intricate part of what writers do. They capture photos of the events around them and write about it. I'm so excited to start doing those things, because I'm finally beginning to get into the field of what I want to be doing for the rest of my life!
It's takin me 24 years to finally figure out what I wanna do, but with a few dropped semesters, and a few bad grades in classes I had no interest in, I'm finally in a position where I know what I want to be when I grow up, and I can't be more excited. So to be getting a decent camera for this is very much a stepping stone for what I am gonna do for my life. It set me back a little and it might make some of my debtors mad that I bought it, instead of paying them, but a mechanic needs tools. I need my camera!
Anyways, so consequently, my blog will be changing a tad. I will be putting up photo's from my outings and that's gonna be a lot of fun. We'll see what happens, maybe I'll need to start a new blog for all the stuff that I start doing! But we'll see. Like I said, I'm just getting started so I'm gonna have fun just shooting photo's- and another thing is, is I hope that I can start shooting my family and my friends and be a person that has memories for them to look back on! Isn't that sweet?
I'm very excited to have this new camera, these new adventures and all this sounds really super exciting and fantastic but I think now's the time to stop writing and start doing!!!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
More dreams
I was walking with my brother Mitch, and our friend Jaime, around a mansion that we felt was occupied some substance of people that we knew existed but could never find. We had takin a short ride on a train that surrounded the perimeter of the mansion, and came around to the back side of the house, and hopped off a bit prematurely. As we walked up to back of this house, we opened a door to a room that was completely empty with the exception of some shades on a window that had been pulled down, and a ceiling light that had already been turned on before we came in.
As we all walked in there was a very obvious humming sound that filled the room, and I automatically became uneasy. But before I could say anything to my brother and our friend, my brother asked Jaime, "Do you think we're alone?" and without anytime for any of us to respond there was a booming voice, and subtly whispered, "No." The voice was clear as day, and yet we asked each other if we had all heard of it, and of course we had.
I decided I had had enough and I left the room, and I expected my companions to follow but they didn't and they stayed back; they were trying to figure out why they heard the voice. So I decided to come back into the room When I returned all I could find was a canvas frame and picture of a women painted in acrylic paint. The picture was constantly shape-shifting and I was looking at very beautiful woman. She was tall and slender, with very long straight black hair that went down to the small of her back.
Unfortunately I could not see my brother and my friend, all I could see was there shadows on the canvas frame. When I turned around they were not there. But I could see that they were fine in the frame. This woman explained to us the story that she lived in this mansion and she had died here because of a heart attack.
As she told this story, I saw a shadows depicted of her as well on the the canvas, and I saw a profile of her, and she was wearing a beautiful gown, and as she told us of this heart attack, I watched the most beautiful explosion I could have ever seen from her chest. As her heart exploded, her chest ruptured and there was there swirling ribbons that flew, and with them, were sparrows and monarch butterflies. She gently collasped to the floor, and we asked why it was that we were the only people that could hear her.
We thought about all of things we had in common, and we could only think of the strange personalities that all of our fathers had. Mitch and Jaime decided they were going to leave, and asked me to follow them, but I couldn't see them, they were only shadows in the picture. So I turned I realized the room had shape-shifted into new position, and there was a new wall that separated from the room they had once been in.
There was a door on this new wall that I figured would lead me to the room that they had been in, but they were not in there. So I ran around this mansion trying to find them... The last thing I remember was running around the mansion looking for a way to get out.
As we all walked in there was a very obvious humming sound that filled the room, and I automatically became uneasy. But before I could say anything to my brother and our friend, my brother asked Jaime, "Do you think we're alone?" and without anytime for any of us to respond there was a booming voice, and subtly whispered, "No." The voice was clear as day, and yet we asked each other if we had all heard of it, and of course we had.
I decided I had had enough and I left the room, and I expected my companions to follow but they didn't and they stayed back; they were trying to figure out why they heard the voice. So I decided to come back into the room When I returned all I could find was a canvas frame and picture of a women painted in acrylic paint. The picture was constantly shape-shifting and I was looking at very beautiful woman. She was tall and slender, with very long straight black hair that went down to the small of her back.
Unfortunately I could not see my brother and my friend, all I could see was there shadows on the canvas frame. When I turned around they were not there. But I could see that they were fine in the frame. This woman explained to us the story that she lived in this mansion and she had died here because of a heart attack.
As she told this story, I saw a shadows depicted of her as well on the the canvas, and I saw a profile of her, and she was wearing a beautiful gown, and as she told us of this heart attack, I watched the most beautiful explosion I could have ever seen from her chest. As her heart exploded, her chest ruptured and there was there swirling ribbons that flew, and with them, were sparrows and monarch butterflies. She gently collasped to the floor, and we asked why it was that we were the only people that could hear her.
We thought about all of things we had in common, and we could only think of the strange personalities that all of our fathers had. Mitch and Jaime decided they were going to leave, and asked me to follow them, but I couldn't see them, they were only shadows in the picture. So I turned I realized the room had shape-shifted into new position, and there was a new wall that separated from the room they had once been in.
There was a door on this new wall that I figured would lead me to the room that they had been in, but they were not in there. So I ran around this mansion trying to find them... The last thing I remember was running around the mansion looking for a way to get out.
Friday, February 12, 2010
poetry of a socio-path
Written Originally Sept 27th 2007, while high on caffeine.
poetry of a socio-path
Couldja couldja throw me some rope
and I'll wear em as sleaves
Couldja Couldja throw me some soap
cause I got cuts on my knees
Yeah Screamin and spitten and it's comin out red
But damn it feels good to say the things that I've said
I'm arguin and it's workin, your red in the face
guess I'm red as well just not in the same place
She said she won't be around when I'm pukin up blood
I find that hard to believe cause I threw her keys in the mud
I'm laughin it's funny, she didn't get the joke
couple more things she won't get when she sees all the smoke
So now she hears the explosions but knows it's miles away
and I'm laughin even harder cause I planned this for days
I even planned her emotion that's why I made her livid before
Don't call this a premonition but I can see her once more
When she finally combs the mud and hops in her car
she'll still be seething with anger but won't get very far
The smoke will be billowing and as the crow flies she sees
that fire is raging passed the bend of the trees.
Exactly where her house is and damn I'm so good
that the foundation is still standing exactly how it should
yes I planned it so well that the only punishment seen
seems definately a nightmare from within her dreams
because although there's a fire, it's only her room
that i've pyrotechnically established as the place to consume
goodbye to fair memories goodbye to the wall
that held all the pictures even the ones from the falls
where we first kissed and smiled and held our hands
I'm fakin I'm sorry, and she goes now to stand
she walkin out the door and yes this was the plan.
socio-socio path. Let go the intermitent smile
Walk into the water with the clock crocodile
becase the time is now spent and your cashed all your chips
and while your clipping your hair now get your hands off your hips
the victim is waiting but your on your last leg
The socio-path will meet socio-path in this black-powder-keg
poetry of a socio-path
Couldja couldja throw me some rope
and I'll wear em as sleaves
Couldja Couldja throw me some soap
cause I got cuts on my knees
Yeah Screamin and spitten and it's comin out red
But damn it feels good to say the things that I've said
I'm arguin and it's workin, your red in the face
guess I'm red as well just not in the same place
She said she won't be around when I'm pukin up blood
I find that hard to believe cause I threw her keys in the mud
I'm laughin it's funny, she didn't get the joke
couple more things she won't get when she sees all the smoke
So now she hears the explosions but knows it's miles away
and I'm laughin even harder cause I planned this for days
I even planned her emotion that's why I made her livid before
Don't call this a premonition but I can see her once more
When she finally combs the mud and hops in her car
she'll still be seething with anger but won't get very far
The smoke will be billowing and as the crow flies she sees
that fire is raging passed the bend of the trees.
Exactly where her house is and damn I'm so good
that the foundation is still standing exactly how it should
yes I planned it so well that the only punishment seen
seems definately a nightmare from within her dreams
because although there's a fire, it's only her room
that i've pyrotechnically established as the place to consume
goodbye to fair memories goodbye to the wall
that held all the pictures even the ones from the falls
where we first kissed and smiled and held our hands
I'm fakin I'm sorry, and she goes now to stand
she walkin out the door and yes this was the plan.
socio-socio path. Let go the intermitent smile
Walk into the water with the clock crocodile
becase the time is now spent and your cashed all your chips
and while your clipping your hair now get your hands off your hips
the victim is waiting but your on your last leg
The socio-path will meet socio-path in this black-powder-keg
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Tired and restless
I want out of Washington. This aint my state. California Love kid. But I'm really thankful to have the opportunity to be alive and out and about. Who would have thought I would live in this city on my own? I never dreamed about growing up. I never dreamt about where I would live when I got out of high school. Never thought about the difference places I wanted to travel. I still don't really think about the places I want to travel. But I think about the cities I wanna live in a little more these days. It's so weird to be out here on my own. I'm on my own more than I have ever been. Montana doesn't even really count cause let's be honest. I didn't have my family but I had my ward. Then I came home, and I've moved to Riverside. 30 minutes away from home. Then I moved home. Then I moved to seattle, and I was with a sales team and I knew most of them before and I roomed with all of them and so it was a constant, and annoyingly tiresome party (ahaha) Then i moved to the bay and that felt like the farthest I'd ever been, especially having no friends to start with. But then as time flew by I made more and more friends, and then once again. I had to leave and I am in Seattle. Shoot, I'm almost in Canada!!! whooaa... But it's so wild to be so far from home, but the fact that I've been able to survive for 3 weeks on my own with no work has been stressful but gratifying knowing that I can make it on my own. I'm working again and I will have my 1st pay check here, and I will be able to breath again.. But whoa. Is this growing up? Being self-sufficient. I don't feel grown up. I'm just barely making goals in my life that i'm actually reaching. Sad but true. I'm 24, but I am probably at the maturity of a 21 year old. But I've seen more in this world than alot of 30 year old's so that's kind of an interesting thought as well. I do feel blessed in my life right now and that's the important part. I do need one thing. I need new scriptures!!! I have none right now, but I'm picky about what kind I want. I want the regular size with the little flippy-flap that covers the pages and I want them in brown like my missionary scriptures were. I wish I could find those. Silly me for never putting my name in them :(
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