oh those crazy emotions.
I am so up and down right now and I don't really like it. It's time to talk to someone about this stuff. Someone professional. I'm not suicidal, but this is just another thing that I need to do to make myself be a better person. I am not happy with my obsessive thoughts, the way I fixate on one item, one person is just not healthy. I know this. It hurts me, and if I get fixated on someone, it will hurt them as well. No one wants to be someones graven image, or fixation, or obsession, or whatever you want to call it. They didn't ask for it. I didn't tell them. Why would I? Because they would recoil if they only knew. I can't believe I'm actually writing this for everyone to see. I know it's a problem because my fixations make it hard to do homework or focus on the more important parts of my life. At this very moment, I am so scared. I know things will get better, and I maybe in a day, or a week, or a month, or in a year, I'll look at this post and think. Wow, really Willy?
I will reiterate what I said in the past. I can't believe it has taken me this long to get to where I am now. It isn't like this is something new. I've struggled with it all my life. I can't believe I didn't ever try to get it in check. With the way I am feeling right now, how did I ever make it this far? This weight is crushing. I'm gonna see my bishop tonight for guidance, and I'm trying to find a good counselor, but I guess evenings are hard to find spots in. I'll keep looking I guess.
1 comment:
I know we don't see each other very often, but know that you are not the only one who struggles with the rumination problem.
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