Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.4
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
A small confession
Want to know my heart since the beginning summer?
This right here is the most accurate song I've heard in a long time. The mood is perfect. From beginning to end. Please remember that I have past the most difficult portions (I feel) and as you listen to the song, the song climatically builds with a happiness felt that is not present at the beginning. One thing is for sure, I'm excited for 2011
This right here is the most accurate song I've heard in a long time. The mood is perfect. From beginning to end. Please remember that I have past the most difficult portions (I feel) and as you listen to the song, the song climatically builds with a happiness felt that is not present at the beginning. One thing is for sure, I'm excited for 2011
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Blossoming Color
Hey look at me! Yeah, I just picked up painting. No big deal. No but seriously, I've really been meaning to paint for a long time. But I have never gone out and bought canvases, or paint brushes or anything. I've always spent my creative energy on music and the spoken word. I've never have had what I would consider a steady hand, or a delicate hand. My cousins were always better than me at drawing everything. We used to draw comic book characters and I remember always thinking that there pictures were better than mine, and in art classes in elementary school, I was never a kid who stood out. I am not 'gifted' per say, but I believe the ability to do anything can be cultivated, no? So with help of my friend Jordan who already paints and does quite well, we had a painting night, actually two nights because that's just how long it took. This is what I came up with. I am obsessed with trees and I love color. I call this painting blooming explosions. My intent was to take the free, and create blossoms that looked to be like an explosions - like fireworks, if you will. I am obsessed with the concept of explosions. I think they are beautiful. Yes, they can be very devistating, but if you think about them in theory, and in form (in the right settings) you can see an overwhelming beauty. Though some explosions are similar, their never two perfect matched explosions. I also like to think about the explosion of thought within our own head. I believe the heart and soul of our body is much like a tree, and grows with wisdom in time, and over the years, we will have times of spring with blooming thoughts, ideas, and stories, and other times and different winter-like season where our mind may lay dormant and quiet, waiting for that change in the air, for us to be able to bloom and to explode with new things in our life. Of course, when I look at this painting, there are sooooo many things that I could add now that I look back on it. But I think this is a good beginning. I can't wait to do more things, and this painting is now hanging on my wall! Good times.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Kind of been a blogging binge a little bit here lately, but that's just because I've had a lot of new thoughts, or I am cultivating old ideas. The following has been a concept I've had in my head for a little while, but never have really talked about just because I didn't have any good examples to back it up with- until now.
I used to be addicted to video games. More specifically PC video games. I started playing them in the 8th grade. My first game "fix" was Monster truck madness. When that got old, I got caught up in a game called Mechwarrior. For the next 5 or 6 years, I was completely hooked on the franchise. I was involved in gaming leagues, I was on a team, I was good enough to have league accolades, and I was thought of within my community as a really good "pilot"
On other side of the coin, was a kid in high school, that wasn't socially involved like the other kids because of my out-there tastes in music, and clothing style, as well as my choice to not drink or smoke, and claim to be "Straight-edge" along with being involved in my church. These seem like all good things, but couple that with bad school habits, failing grades, and lack of social interaction, (besides school activities) and you now see a kid who was midly-depressed, and incredibly addicted to a virtual world.
My grades were never good in high school. I was always just scraping by, and I was addicted to my computer, and the games inside. There was no productivity in my life. I was not using the computer to learn how to do web design for a future career. I was not editing and design map terrain for video games. I was not drawing graphics. I was doing none of that. I was sitting. Scrolling a mouse. Slapping some keys and saying into a voice communications program "He's critical" "good game" "let's pwn these noobs". Nothing. NOTHING. good came of all this.
When I began to start working out of high school. I decided I liked money, and I liked having friends out of high school, and I started to be more social. I started enjoying myself more. I then went on a mission, and on my mission, I made a conscious decision to not get a PC when I got home, and to get a mac. Not because I was trying to be fadish, or hip, but simply because mac's did not have the same game titles as PC's did. The only reason why the PC exists is because of business who have longed kept using windows, and because of VIDEO GAMES.
I made conscious decision to not get into the habit of games because I didn't want my wife to see me just playing video games all day. I didn't even think I would get far enough to have a wife, and having a girlfriend would have been hard enough as it was, if I were to try to even think about having a gaming habit in my life.
Today at work I saw the fruits of what video games does to marriage. I went to a house, and I was spraying around the house, the wife had two very curious kids. I was spraying the base of the house, and as a procaution, it is important to try to keep the kids from stepping in the product, or touching it in any way. These was quite the task as the lady was showing me around, and then trying to fight these two kids.
Her husband was in the other room playing a zombie game called left 4 dead, and when I came in to say hello, he didn't even hear me, or maybe he didn't acknowledge me, until his wife commented, "Don't worry he has a job, it's just his day off" and I said "no worries, but that's a pretty cool game" and before I would say anything more, his silence was broke with "Oh, what's your gamer tag." I told him I didn't have one, and it's just a game friends alot of times play, but I wasn't really into games.
With that being said, he lost interest in me, and also in aiding his wife with his roll as a father. When she asked him to come help her make sure the kids didn't get in the product he simply screamed at them in a hollow and fruitless yell, "Stop touching the product!!" He did nothing to repremand.. He didn't even stand to try to give them any warnings of any kind. He simply yelled what he probably had said many times verbatum in that same situation.
But it only got worse, when his wife asked him to bring in a ladder for us to use and he said, "I'm in the middle of this, can you guys wait 2 or 3 minutes?" I rolled my eyes at the lady, expressing my time constraints, and she yelled at her husband to turn it off and come help. With 10 seconds of delay, he stood and became extremely defensive, as if we had just takin away his teddy-bear.. He got the ladder grudgingly and returned, handed it to me, and went back to his computer...
I WILL NOT BE THAT MAN!!! Two kids, a wife, and a video game? No way. That man was a loser and a half, and not fit to be a father, or husband. When someone you love, or someone you consider as friend, ask you to do something, will you be stuck in a vice of frivolous means? Be it video games or otherwise. This is what I have been avoiding, because any person, especially males, can get caught in this. I know we cannot multi-task well, especially within addictions. We must avoid evil. The lord takes it further and says avoid (even) the appearance of evil!! Meaning- don't even get close to that stuff!!
I'm sure I could write a whole book on this stuff. But I felt bad for that poor man's wife, and for him, because he won't realize a good thing until it's walkin about the door, with his two kids and a suitcase...
That's what I'm avoiding.
I used to be addicted to video games. More specifically PC video games. I started playing them in the 8th grade. My first game "fix" was Monster truck madness. When that got old, I got caught up in a game called Mechwarrior. For the next 5 or 6 years, I was completely hooked on the franchise. I was involved in gaming leagues, I was on a team, I was good enough to have league accolades, and I was thought of within my community as a really good "pilot"
On other side of the coin, was a kid in high school, that wasn't socially involved like the other kids because of my out-there tastes in music, and clothing style, as well as my choice to not drink or smoke, and claim to be "Straight-edge" along with being involved in my church. These seem like all good things, but couple that with bad school habits, failing grades, and lack of social interaction, (besides school activities) and you now see a kid who was midly-depressed, and incredibly addicted to a virtual world.
My grades were never good in high school. I was always just scraping by, and I was addicted to my computer, and the games inside. There was no productivity in my life. I was not using the computer to learn how to do web design for a future career. I was not editing and design map terrain for video games. I was not drawing graphics. I was doing none of that. I was sitting. Scrolling a mouse. Slapping some keys and saying into a voice communications program "He's critical" "good game" "let's pwn these noobs". Nothing. NOTHING. good came of all this.
When I began to start working out of high school. I decided I liked money, and I liked having friends out of high school, and I started to be more social. I started enjoying myself more. I then went on a mission, and on my mission, I made a conscious decision to not get a PC when I got home, and to get a mac. Not because I was trying to be fadish, or hip, but simply because mac's did not have the same game titles as PC's did. The only reason why the PC exists is because of business who have longed kept using windows, and because of VIDEO GAMES.
I made conscious decision to not get into the habit of games because I didn't want my wife to see me just playing video games all day. I didn't even think I would get far enough to have a wife, and having a girlfriend would have been hard enough as it was, if I were to try to even think about having a gaming habit in my life.
Today at work I saw the fruits of what video games does to marriage. I went to a house, and I was spraying around the house, the wife had two very curious kids. I was spraying the base of the house, and as a procaution, it is important to try to keep the kids from stepping in the product, or touching it in any way. These was quite the task as the lady was showing me around, and then trying to fight these two kids.
Her husband was in the other room playing a zombie game called left 4 dead, and when I came in to say hello, he didn't even hear me, or maybe he didn't acknowledge me, until his wife commented, "Don't worry he has a job, it's just his day off" and I said "no worries, but that's a pretty cool game" and before I would say anything more, his silence was broke with "Oh, what's your gamer tag." I told him I didn't have one, and it's just a game friends alot of times play, but I wasn't really into games.
With that being said, he lost interest in me, and also in aiding his wife with his roll as a father. When she asked him to come help her make sure the kids didn't get in the product he simply screamed at them in a hollow and fruitless yell, "Stop touching the product!!" He did nothing to repremand.. He didn't even stand to try to give them any warnings of any kind. He simply yelled what he probably had said many times verbatum in that same situation.
But it only got worse, when his wife asked him to bring in a ladder for us to use and he said, "I'm in the middle of this, can you guys wait 2 or 3 minutes?" I rolled my eyes at the lady, expressing my time constraints, and she yelled at her husband to turn it off and come help. With 10 seconds of delay, he stood and became extremely defensive, as if we had just takin away his teddy-bear.. He got the ladder grudgingly and returned, handed it to me, and went back to his computer...
I WILL NOT BE THAT MAN!!! Two kids, a wife, and a video game? No way. That man was a loser and a half, and not fit to be a father, or husband. When someone you love, or someone you consider as friend, ask you to do something, will you be stuck in a vice of frivolous means? Be it video games or otherwise. This is what I have been avoiding, because any person, especially males, can get caught in this. I know we cannot multi-task well, especially within addictions. We must avoid evil. The lord takes it further and says avoid (even) the appearance of evil!! Meaning- don't even get close to that stuff!!
I'm sure I could write a whole book on this stuff. But I felt bad for that poor man's wife, and for him, because he won't realize a good thing until it's walkin about the door, with his two kids and a suitcase...
That's what I'm avoiding.
If you read my blog, I want to read yours too (if you have one). Please take a moment to comment on this post, and leave me your blog address. That is everyone!! Everyone!! I mean everyone!!
Once again. I should be asleep, but this time around, I feel dehydrated, so I am sipping, gulping, drinking water. I'm on my 3rd bottle... Dunno why. I drank alot today, and drank alot at dinner... I drank alot of spicy food... Maybe that counteracted all my hard work trying to be hydrated?
Lately I've been obsessed with the Spoken word. It's election season, and I'm trying my damndist to try to become once again informed, so I am scowering the internet for information; especially on the race for governor between John Brown, and Meg Whitman. I am a liberal conservative so my intentions will most likely to be to vote for Mrs. Whitman, but I am saddened by some of the tactics of each candidate. Alot of mud slinging is being thrown. Names are being called, and people are lying and cheating to scrape for poll results. Ultimately, I hope the voter remembers what they believe for the values of there own self, and what they want for this state.
Waiting for Superman is a move I really want to see soon. I also want to see the Pat Tillman story, which is a documentary about the government cover-up of a semi-celebrity-turned soldier who was killed in the middle-east. First issued as dying in a heroic fight, it was later determined he died in friendly-fire, and to make matters the worse, the government tried to hide these not-so-good-to-hear facts from the family.
I'm also listening to alot more podcasts. Freakanomics is a book I read that is written by a couple economists who study the effects of "incentives" as the relate to everyday situations, or not so everyday situations, like Sumo-wrestler, Crack dealers, School teachers, just to name a few, and if it seems weird that any of these people who have any sorts in common. Give this book a look... (ha, Rhyme)
Really interesting read, and now they have it as a podcast. So that's been alot of fun to listen to. I've also been listening to a little bit more talk radio. Progressive, Conservative, public, Christian, etc. I just have felt like I've needed to try to listen more to opinions, and get more facts in my life. I am constantly listening to music, and feeding my emotions and mind with sonic waves, which are stimulating and help my calm my nerves and things. But I'm trying to listen the the lyrics, and learn things, and I feel like I am. But I need more input! (short-circuit anyone? ps. franchise reboot- look it up) So I am turning to inspiring lectures, talks, etc.
Time to soak up spongy sorta stuff... Like... More water!!!
Once again. I should be asleep, but this time around, I feel dehydrated, so I am sipping, gulping, drinking water. I'm on my 3rd bottle... Dunno why. I drank alot today, and drank alot at dinner... I drank alot of spicy food... Maybe that counteracted all my hard work trying to be hydrated?
Lately I've been obsessed with the Spoken word. It's election season, and I'm trying my damndist to try to become once again informed, so I am scowering the internet for information; especially on the race for governor between John Brown, and Meg Whitman. I am a liberal conservative so my intentions will most likely to be to vote for Mrs. Whitman, but I am saddened by some of the tactics of each candidate. Alot of mud slinging is being thrown. Names are being called, and people are lying and cheating to scrape for poll results. Ultimately, I hope the voter remembers what they believe for the values of there own self, and what they want for this state.
Waiting for Superman is a move I really want to see soon. I also want to see the Pat Tillman story, which is a documentary about the government cover-up of a semi-celebrity-turned soldier who was killed in the middle-east. First issued as dying in a heroic fight, it was later determined he died in friendly-fire, and to make matters the worse, the government tried to hide these not-so-good-to-hear facts from the family.
I'm also listening to alot more podcasts. Freakanomics is a book I read that is written by a couple economists who study the effects of "incentives" as the relate to everyday situations, or not so everyday situations, like Sumo-wrestler, Crack dealers, School teachers, just to name a few, and if it seems weird that any of these people who have any sorts in common. Give this book a look... (ha, Rhyme)
Really interesting read, and now they have it as a podcast. So that's been alot of fun to listen to. I've also been listening to a little bit more talk radio. Progressive, Conservative, public, Christian, etc. I just have felt like I've needed to try to listen more to opinions, and get more facts in my life. I am constantly listening to music, and feeding my emotions and mind with sonic waves, which are stimulating and help my calm my nerves and things. But I'm trying to listen the the lyrics, and learn things, and I feel like I am. But I need more input! (short-circuit anyone? ps. franchise reboot- look it up) So I am turning to inspiring lectures, talks, etc.Time to soak up spongy sorta stuff... Like... More water!!!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
a working title...
When you begin to start to learn about the world, and when you really try to inhale it, you realize you know nothing. Some things you learn, and you wonder how you ever lived without the knowledge. Some things you learn that define who you are or perhaps who you will be.
Amazing to think that of course you can learn things on your own, but how much faster can we if we learn from our peers, parents, and teachers. It is so important to learn from different forums of people and thoughts. There are things I am studying especially in art, that I never knew about before. My parents didn't have the resources to show me what I've seen and takin interest in. People like dali, dorothea tanner, willem de kooningg, Georgia o keeffe are blowing my mind.
Life is best when we are struggling slightly, I find. If you have a slight burden, you also have a strong goal. Of course stress is a killer, but if everything is perfect you begin to wonder what is going to fail. Will the world suddenly crumble underneath your feet? We know adversity is always laying in store, and when we are in the midst of it, or own strength and dedication we have made for ourselves is what helps us get through that. Not only ourselves, but our friends, family and teachers.
That being said, we see a correlation that we cannot meet our full potential without the strength of others. It would be impossible. It is impossible. If you think you can, than you are a fool. I did learn a secret that I love. The only way to make true lasting relationships friendly or romantic, you must serve each other. Nothing else can make that bond between two people, or a group of people. Funny to think of all these things in one night, when I just had a class for 2 hours where we just looked at paintings all night. But then I suppose these thoughts have been a long time coming....
Amazing to think that of course you can learn things on your own, but how much faster can we if we learn from our peers, parents, and teachers. It is so important to learn from different forums of people and thoughts. There are things I am studying especially in art, that I never knew about before. My parents didn't have the resources to show me what I've seen and takin interest in. People like dali, dorothea tanner, willem de kooningg, Georgia o keeffe are blowing my mind.
Life is best when we are struggling slightly, I find. If you have a slight burden, you also have a strong goal. Of course stress is a killer, but if everything is perfect you begin to wonder what is going to fail. Will the world suddenly crumble underneath your feet? We know adversity is always laying in store, and when we are in the midst of it, or own strength and dedication we have made for ourselves is what helps us get through that. Not only ourselves, but our friends, family and teachers.
That being said, we see a correlation that we cannot meet our full potential without the strength of others. It would be impossible. It is impossible. If you think you can, than you are a fool. I did learn a secret that I love. The only way to make true lasting relationships friendly or romantic, you must serve each other. Nothing else can make that bond between two people, or a group of people. Funny to think of all these things in one night, when I just had a class for 2 hours where we just looked at paintings all night. But then I suppose these thoughts have been a long time coming....
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3
Sunday, October 10, 2010
The swing of an iron.
With every stroke takin, there is a greater likelihood of perfection. With every stroke not takin, is another destiny unfulfilled. Michael Jordan said of his basketball career, "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
Take the shot. Take the shot. Take the shot. In confidence we can do anything. In trust, we are given the worlds most tremendous opportunities. This trust has to be realized by ones self many times to be offered by others. I suppose we have these divines circumstances, where we are entrusted with great opportunities without any real qualifications. Look at Moses. Look at Joseph of Egypt (to a certain extent). Joseph Smith. But with all of these figures, there is a confidence they had in something. It may have been confidence in there own faith, rather than own intellectual or physical abilities.
I am thankful for my mind. Sometimes I am my most worse enemy. I can think a situation into a strangle-hold. I can literally destroy a concept, situation, and bury it with my mental abilities. I can paint a canvas with life, vitality, sound, and depth. But it all depends on its application. Does it cause good, or does it cause bad. I never really know. It is important to remember positivity in all things. To give place for positive thoughts, always and to not enrich negative thoughts and feelings always, and in no circumstances deviate from this rule. Although easier said than done, it helps to have a strong spirit, a mental sense of balance, and SLEEP!!!! Which I really should be doing, I might mention. But I find that caffeine stimulates some of my most thought provoking instances. This night being no exception, it is 2am.
I've had a good time tonight listening to music, and dancing, and being with friends, celebrating birthdays, and quietly, sitting on a train platform bouncing concepts of the future, in my head. Reading scriptures, when I am feeling negative about things have been a rediscovered blessing. Technology is really empowering when used correctly. Feeling negative? Put positive books are your iPhone, Android, blackberry device. Download podcasts, mp3's of lectures, books ans scriptures, that will let new thoughts and reaffirm old concepts in your head. With a trusty set of headphones, you can do it all by in a quiet non-obtrusive manner. :)
Anyways, life is no pearl. I believe right now it's more like a watermelon. I hate watermelon. But you gotta eat the fruit, and spit out the seeds. Or else a baby watermelon will grow in your stomach, and you'll blow up. sick... But seriously, sometimes it's not all sweet, and maybe also like piece of fish, careful not to lodge somethin in your throat, that may suffocate you and possibly kill you, trash your vocal chords, or trachea... actually nevermind... think positive, think positive.
Take the shot. Take the shot. Take the shot. In confidence we can do anything. In trust, we are given the worlds most tremendous opportunities. This trust has to be realized by ones self many times to be offered by others. I suppose we have these divines circumstances, where we are entrusted with great opportunities without any real qualifications. Look at Moses. Look at Joseph of Egypt (to a certain extent). Joseph Smith. But with all of these figures, there is a confidence they had in something. It may have been confidence in there own faith, rather than own intellectual or physical abilities.
I am thankful for my mind. Sometimes I am my most worse enemy. I can think a situation into a strangle-hold. I can literally destroy a concept, situation, and bury it with my mental abilities. I can paint a canvas with life, vitality, sound, and depth. But it all depends on its application. Does it cause good, or does it cause bad. I never really know. It is important to remember positivity in all things. To give place for positive thoughts, always and to not enrich negative thoughts and feelings always, and in no circumstances deviate from this rule. Although easier said than done, it helps to have a strong spirit, a mental sense of balance, and SLEEP!!!! Which I really should be doing, I might mention. But I find that caffeine stimulates some of my most thought provoking instances. This night being no exception, it is 2am.
I've had a good time tonight listening to music, and dancing, and being with friends, celebrating birthdays, and quietly, sitting on a train platform bouncing concepts of the future, in my head. Reading scriptures, when I am feeling negative about things have been a rediscovered blessing. Technology is really empowering when used correctly. Feeling negative? Put positive books are your iPhone, Android, blackberry device. Download podcasts, mp3's of lectures, books ans scriptures, that will let new thoughts and reaffirm old concepts in your head. With a trusty set of headphones, you can do it all by in a quiet non-obtrusive manner. :)
Anyways, life is no pearl. I believe right now it's more like a watermelon. I hate watermelon. But you gotta eat the fruit, and spit out the seeds. Or else a baby watermelon will grow in your stomach, and you'll blow up. sick... But seriously, sometimes it's not all sweet, and maybe also like piece of fish, careful not to lodge somethin in your throat, that may suffocate you and possibly kill you, trash your vocal chords, or trachea... actually nevermind... think positive, think positive.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Oh boy
What can I say? My world is being destroyed as I write this. But sometimes you build things with rotten wood, you build with plans that were uncertain from the beginning. I don't hate what I've done. I don't hate myself. But I hate the time I've waisted. I hate not being where I know where I could be. I hate that I've let other people down. I can't believe some of the things I've done in my life. I can't believe the strength and influence I have over people. What damage it has done, when what greatness I could have brought. I have so much thought right now. To all of those people who have let me go, You have no idea what I will become. It's time to look the part, and to put down the toys. You gotta grow up. You gotta grow up. I can't believe I'm 25. I've seen a ton, I've watched a ton, and I'm carrying a ton. It's time to purge. I care too much about myself to care about what any other person may say, think or feel. Carpe Diem right? Wrong. Seize the world, the lifetime, the eternities, the now, the past, and the future. Seize it. Put it in a pot. Add water. Boil it. Concentrate it. Swallow it. Take it with you and release your full potential with zeal and in humility, compassion, and charity, share your potential with others. It's very interesting to do this on my own. I am just so independent anyways. Would I have it any other way?
oh my Rawr.
What can I say? My world is being destroyed as I write this. But sometimes you build things with rotten wood, you build with plans that were uncertain from the beginning. I don't hate what I've done. I don't hate myself. But I hate the time I've waisted. I hate not being where I know where I could be. I hate that I've let other people down. I can't believe some of the things I've done in my life. I can't believe the strength and influence I have over people. What damage it has done, when what greatness I could have brought. I have so much thought right now. To all of those people who have let me go, You have no idea what I will become. It's time to look the part, and to put down the toys. You gotta grow up. You gotta grow up. I can't believe I'm 25. I've seen a ton, I've watched a ton, and I'm carrying a ton. It's time to purge. I care too much about myself to care about what any other person may say, think or feel. Carpe Diem right? Wrong. Seize the world, the lifetime, the eternities, the now, the past, and the future. Seize it. Put it in a pot. Add water. Boil it. Concentrate it. Swallow it. Take it with you and release your full potential with zeal and in humility, compassion, and charity, share your potential with others. It's very interesting to do this on my own. I am just so independent anyways. Would I have it any other way?
oh my Rawr.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)