Everyone has their guilty pleasures that they get awkward about when their significant other catches them red handed. Some are harmless (chocolate, sweets, twilight, undying love for nsync) and some of those guilty pleasures are very bad (infidelity, a secret substance addiction, Ricky Martin). Though my girlfriend is perfect in every way, shape and form, and even though she does countless after countless nice thing for me, and always looks gorgeous, I must admit she might have one as well: Visiting the local animal shelter.

Now, this is not really a guilty pleasure, if you are in the right state of mind. There are plenty of good reasons to visit the animal shelter: To look for your lost pet; maybe you go frequently because it has a habit of escaping. Maybe you go to volunteer service. The shelter is also a great place to adopt new pets. But if you already have enough pets for your small apartment, and you are going to their to avoid other important duties (going to the DMV, doing homework, cleaning your boyfriends how. just kidding, but seriously) and going to the shelter to spend 2 hours just staring at the lovely little precious animals, you might have a problem

This problem is most obvious when the girlfriend in question answers my phone call sheepishly and the conversation goes as follow:

Me: "Hi honey"

Girlfriend: "Hi..."

Me: "What are you up to?"

GF: "noottthhhinnnnnn"

Me: "Why do you sound like your hiding something?"

GF: "Idunno..."

Me: "Why did I hear a meow"

GF: "..."

Me: "Are you at the animal shelter"

GF: "NO!!"

Me: "(laughter) You know I can't get a kitten right now"

GF: "Yeah but..."

Clearly their is some guiltful feelings here as she knows that going to the animal shelter is slightly pointless just like binge eating is pointless. Yes, we know it feels soooo good, and your endorphines rage and when you look into that little kitty's eyes, it's like looking into a snow globe and ooo-la-la. But what I'm sayin is... You're only gonna make yourself sad!! At the end of the day you can't take all those little kittens home and love em and squeeze and hug em till you wanna just wanna EAT THEIR WITTLE FACES!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I'm sure it could be worse, and I don't think I'm going to try to make my girlfriend change because it is an endearing quality that I find cute, but boy is it a laugh when she calls to try not say that she's looking at kittens for me.

somethings just don't change

Even if you add another frame

case and point when share what you feel

it's another 36 frames and a film real

Can't complain when I think about time

and prefer that I'm talking in rhymes

but I think what I feel and consider

and every so often the feeling is bitter

like a picture like a pill so hard to swallow

a hundred dollar capsule thats just hollow

placebos antiobotics are whatever

Generation A

I would pose to you a concept or theory that we are now in a generation that is evolving faster than at any other period of time in the history of man-kind. I was reading an article in Forbes this morning that spoke on the changing business climate that has been brought about through the internet and social media outlets such as: twitter, facebook, and linkdIn. The writer Adam Ludwig also makes mention the influence of social media in the Arab world where millions of citizens are reaching to overthrow their government.

The rate at which we send and receive information is staggering. Television its self- once a bright and informing tool, now is now nearly obsolete while TV and film industries race to try to figure out how to make money. What do you watch TV for? You probably watch it for the sitcoms and sports. But have you ever thought about how behind the news channel might be? Through twitter, and facebook, we knew Osama Bin Laden had died before any new organization could get through to their TV audiences and certainly hours (or maybe an hour?) before President Obama could make an announcement.

The article speaks about the boom of internet entrepreneurs that are setting up shop to help us socialize more proficiently. For instance, rypple.com is a new internet company (I had never heard of) that let's employees rate and review other employees, company policies, and general business news as it happens, providing a more transparent business culture within the company.

The article touches and transparency, but I would also like to make a mention of what I would consider a new generation. Generation A- or "Generation Acceleration". The simple fact of the matter is, yes we are in the information age, and the information age is probably never going to stop. But the rate at which we digest information is accelerating exponentially.

Here's a normal day for me, much like many others

• Wake up, and read new emails received.
• Get dressed and go to work, on the way to work, read emails, or news feed
• Get new work load, and work
• throughout day, text, facebook, twitter and read news feed
• finish work
• keep reading text, facebook, twitter and news feed
• Right before to bed, read text, facebook twitter and news feed
• sleep, and get woken up to texts and such

It is true that kids in K-12 are being taught about the importance of 8 hours of sleep because teenagers are sleeping with their cellphones. We adults are doing it too, though maybe we are slightly more mature, or don't care enough to let ANYTHING get in our way of a full nights rest, but you can see an accelerating trend on the information we are receiving. It will not be too long when every single culture is watching their government or local business more than the government or local business can watch them in return.

What an exciting time to be able to watch things so quickly! I know I am only grazing (if that) the surface on these topics, but really the acceleration of media and news that goes into our minds is staggering! My girlfriend and I are starting a new little hobby where we study an ancient civilization for a month at a time. Next month we are studying ancient Egypt, and most of our time will be looking through online databases for information, and visiting a museum in San Jose. It is wild that so much information can be found within a months time.

It's been a while. I know...

But I wanna put on a concert in a park and call it "BYOB" - Bring your own Books. It would be a free concert in the park in whatever city, and it would be three or four weeks before school started, and the whole purpose of the concert would be to buy, sell, and trade text books for the next semester. We would have vendors come, like amazon to sell kindles or HP or Apple to sell laptops, and basically get kids ready for the school year. I think It would be a really really neat event, I think I'm gonna try to do it next Summer.

Bruhhahaha

sometimes you have friends over. Sometimes when you have friends over you play music for them. You start off with drums, you move to the piano, and then you may play guitar. They may say to you "It's like musical chairs.." but they won't say "musical chairs" they'll "It's like musical instruments"... you will look at them oddly, and say "yes. It IS musical instruments".... They might not feel as smart afterwards... But you will laugh lots.

The End.

Today sucks.. but you have to be greatful that you have the money to have a phone that's being retarded.. thankful that your headaches only half as bad because you live in a country that can create medicine and you have the money to pay for it.. thankful that you live in a country where everyone can afford a car regardless of how traffic it can create and be thnakful that even your route sucks ass, at least you do have a job

B flat

http://www.inbflat.net/

One simple chord can you make you cry, if you let it.

Charles Houston - he was one of the grassroots fathers of the civil rights movements of the 50s and 60s. We were asked to write a book report on the book "eyes on the prize" and hand it in today. The first chapter of the book is almost solely about him and what he did for the movement.  when i came into class his name was written on the board. Our teacher asked to write what we knew about him in about 5 minutes time. I sat all around a group of black people. When he asked us to finish, they all began to talk and I heard them asking, "who was Charles Houston?" "What did you write?"... are you kidding me? You are a black American and you didn't even read the book? I can't believe any proud black american wwould take no effort or care in learning there heritage. That's just insane to me. I suppose maybe they have just moved on.

"'That's there business not mine.' Now I know how wrong I was. The murder of my son has shown me that what happens to any of us, anywhere in the world, had better be business of us all" - Mamie bradley

She was the mother of Emmett Till. Right now I am reading "eyes on the prize" by Juan Williams for my US history class, and what I read scares me and impowers me. Supremacy of any kind can be used by a majority to manipulate any culture, race, society, or one single individual or idea.Without sounding racist myself,Blacks were nothing special. They were a color of people. The Jews are nothing special. Gays are nothing special .. they are simply different people of different socialogical backgrounds. It is scary the hate, and indifference the world so often times possessed. It is important to hear the voices of people who have been told to keep quiet for centuries so that we know how to raise our own if ever   the time comes (and I hope it doesn't).

My music

This is my new toy! I'm getting back into recording (not that I strayed very far) but I finally have some wiggle room financially and I made this amazing purchase.. I got this digi 002 board for a few hundred dollars under list price and I couldn't be more happy. I've been lookin at this piece of hardware for about 4 years, and although it is a little bit older design, it's capabilities are tremendous. I can't wait to make a couple other purchases, namely: Blue Spark Microphone and a couple mic stand's and I will be pumping out some new tunes with the piano I have at my house, and the guitars I already have. I'm seriously so excited. It's gonna be great!

The Avett Brothers - Souls Like The Wheels

So lately, I've been drawn to this song. It's beautiful right? It's even harder to play on guitar!! This is the song I need to learn to get my finger picking skills better. So I found the song to help me with that. I love the message of the song as well. It really speaks my heart.

I got those red tulips in the mail about two weeks ago from one of my favorite friends. She said we she sent them that they were just bulbs, but when they arrived they had already grown 3 or 4 inches!! WOOOOWW... So I didn't really do a good job of taking pictures of the tulips growing everyday, but I DID take a picture of the flower arrangement I made with them. I found these other tulips and flowers in my garden and I put them together into arrangement and surprised my Friend. She was quite surprised indeed. One good deed facilitating another. Thank you to both of you being in my life. :)

*edit: Notice that the vase is actually just a tall narrow glass apparently from the spaghetti factory

Meet Gobi

So I have this fish bowl at my house that has been sitting empty at my house since I moved there. It's really nice, and I wanted to get a fish but never got around to it.

Shae came over the other day and she said "Let's get a fish!" and so we went to Petsmart and got this pretty blue Betta Fish, and we named him Gobi. Good story where that name came from too, maybe she'll let me share it on here sometime.

Gobi is part hermit, and likes to chill in his palace from time to time and avoids strangers. He doesn't eat very much but he is also very inquisitive. He's gonna be a great house-mate, and I'm sure since he's a Betta will be a good protector over our house.

I'm gonna see this guy tonight suckas

Tonight Steve Aoki @ The Warfield. Sold out. It's gonna be so awesome. I've been meaning to see him for so long. I'm sad that the Bloody Beat roots won't be in attendence, but hey... Tiga will be there! So excited.

This video is from way back in the day when Adam Stout was having his bachelor party. We were supposed to go Go-Kart racing, but the facility was closed, while we sat around trying to figure out somethin to do, I remembered I had to sets of sparing equipment, and we decided that we were gonna have an in-prompt-to boxing match. We placed cars opposite of each other for light and made a ring, and boxed it up. The Go-Kart place ended up calling the cops on us, and when the police arrived, they were humored as to what we were doing. This video is of Greg and I fighting before the cops showed. I do believe Greg got in alot more shots than I did, and he was going a lot for the body, but I was expecting to go three rounds. By the time the first round finished, Greg had worked up his asthma... haha whoops. It was a lot of fun though... He's a quick striker. Me? Not so much..

seriously hilarious. i died laughing.

people

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbour, co-worker, longest friend, lover, or even a complete stranger) but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints in our hearts,
and We are never, ever the same.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realised your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. Everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you become.

Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

Make every day count!! Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself; it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. -- http://www.allatsea.co.za/froglunch/people.htm

Tulips

Flowers have accidentally become the theme for this week. I sent flowers. I received flowers. How fun! I don't really have much to say other than my new project is take a picture of my tulips everyday as they grow and then put it up on my blog. By the end, I'll probably post a blog that goes through whole growth of these little ladies, and then probably gift them to someone. How fun. :)

at what point did getting pissed off/frustrated make me want to clean my house?

Ides of march

Nothing to blog in the ides of march? Tis not so.

Ok, I use the term "ides" incorrectly, it actually refers to the 15th of march. But it's march none the less, and I have not blogged. I wrote a blog on the fourth. It's in draft. I don't feel like publishing it at this point.

On the subject of the ides of March, for anyone that cares, it was simply a day, but the term was made more famous in Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar when the soothsayer says to Julius, "Beware the Ides of March". Whatever.

Things are up. Things are down. Life is but an ocean sometimes, and the torrential down poor and swells that the ocean bring are so often feared. We fear for the rogue waves that will smack across the face, sometimes they never come but we brace for if they do. I dunno. Maybe I got smacked by an emotional rogue wave. You can never be too sure.

When people talk about hitting rock bottom, I don't really think you can say with certainty that you're at rock bottom. Everyone's is different I would say. My rock bottom is certainly not the rock bottom of a heavy drug user. I've never gone that far. I don't want to even guess of if I hit rock bottom. It's not important. It's better to remember when you were better and to remember your triumphs I would say. But that's just my opinion.

Books have been my best friends lately. That's another "whatever" statement. Lot's of reading. It's good for you. I don't have much... I really liked "The ides of march" and felt like talking about it really quick but felt like I had to have something to go along with it. It's like... french fries... you have to have something to go with it. At least a drink. mmmmm french fries.

When you fall off the horse you gotta get back on.
Amen!

My friend and I started reading the scriptures and making sure to say our prayers at least twice a day. We both are goin through a few things together, and it has been a very uplifting experience so far. I am slightly ashamed, but willing to admit that prayer hasn't always been a focal point of my life. It has been something that I've always glossed over I suppose. I am so damn stubborn and prideful that I always have done things on my own. I expect to do things on my own. I don't expect to be helped, nor do I ask for it. To ask for something is to expect for something. It is a faulty concept I understand, but it is the way I feel. I don't want to be the type of person that expects results. That can lead to frustrations, anxiety, and other feelings of being let down.

All that being said, I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. I think my 25th year of life has been my biggest year yet. I think 23 was a big year. I think 19 was a big year. But this one is one that I know I will always look back on with great appreciation. It is a year that I decided I had had enough of myself. I had had enough with my weaknesses. For too long I did not try to overcome them. I wasn't ruled by them, but I did not give my weaknesses any sort of discipline nor did I try to overcome them.

Call it what you will, but if you grew up doing one thing, and you realize that it's getting you nowhere fast, I'll just call it my decision to be better. Everything began to be once again competitive in my life. I mean that in the best way possible. I wanted to better myself. If I was a runner, this would have been reaching a Plateau and then finding a way to scrape off seconds my personal best. So now getting my 4.0 GPA is a competition. I want to be (humbly) better than all of my students. I want to be a better worker than all of my coworkers (I'm not always, I really have some very good coworkers). I want to be the best, because I know I can. It's not pride, it's living up to my potential.

It would be prideful of me if I did not account my successes to my family, to my friends, and as of lately, to my God. As Ammon said, "I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things..." I have been weak before. I'm sure I will be weak once more. I will need to be humbled, but I know that my strength and my strongest times are when my eye is single to the glory of God. When I am doing what's right for my own self, and then when I am sharing my love with them through works of Charity. That's when I am my best.

My formidable oponent

It's not the size of the load, but of the way you carry it.

Tonight I played the piano harder than I've played in a long time. I mean I played HARD. The poor hammers. The strings went BOOOWWWWWwowowowwowowow. That is the sound of resonating sound waves and not the sound track to a 70s porno flick.

I played the guitar also as aggressively and let the guitar produce feedback for 20 minutes while I made dinner.

I watched The Academy Awards, and realized that James Franco is really into himself, and that Anne Hathaway is a goddess.

I thought a few times today that what I was thinking and writing about was a good thing, only to come back a few hours later and scrape it and start over. I believe that happened three times today.

I am more conflicted now than I have been in a long time. The only thing that will save me this time is the gospel. It's a good thing that at this point in my life it's not something I'm questioning. Boy that would not be a good thing.

I think I'm tired.

Hope

In my angst, I had a special experience. A perfect picture of darkness and of light.

Tuesday as I came back from Arizona, I worked that afternoon. In the city of concord I went to a lady's house to do the service. She came to me at the end of the service, and was slightly rude, but not enough to really get upset about, when up pulled a car and a young man my age- or maybe slightly younger stepped out. In his passing, he said to the lady who was maybe his mother or quite possibly his grandmother, "I should punch you in the face, you got me sick". I could not believe what I just heard. She winced at the message delivered; I don't think it was the first time she had been talked to like that, and all she could say with not much voice at all, "Such an charming young man"... Obviously being sarcastic, I could only tell her, "I will hold my tongue"

To the very opposite of that story, I went a few hours later to a home where I knocked on the door, and with a broom like poll in one hand a phone in my other, a young little girl came out with her mother at the doorway. Without any thought of harm or etiquette the little girl gave me a hug. I was needing a hug that day for many reasons, and the perfect, unbiased love that resonated through her was miraculous. I did not know what to do. It just sort of happened and her mother looked at the situation with approval so I did not worry of any sort of backlash.

I tell these two quick stories as a quick moment of two obvious forces raging in today's society. It does not take an all too religious person to realize that my generation is scary. We are not nice. We are a generation that has been founded on greed, deceit and feeling of entitlements. My generation is so negative. It scares me. Granted, not all my generation is like this.

On the other hand is a rising generation of children much like the little girl I met, who so far, are some of the nicest children I've ever met. I've lost a lot of hope with my generation, and I hope that the children I raise, and that the world raises will teach there parents what it is to be good people, because it is obvious to me that so many out there do not have that good nature. I believe there is a generation rising that will look past there parents afflictions and addictions and rise to there own and will abandon some of the horrible things that is so prevalent right now in society.

That little girl made me feel better, and also gave me a lot of hope.

The weight of fixation, and anxiety

oh those crazy emotions.

I am so up and down right now and I don't really like it. It's time to talk to someone about this stuff. Someone professional. I'm not suicidal, but this is just another thing that I need to do to make myself be a better person. I am not happy with my obsessive thoughts, the way I fixate on one item, one person is just not healthy. I know this. It hurts me, and if I get fixated on someone, it will hurt them as well. No one wants to be someones graven image, or fixation, or obsession, or whatever you want to call it. They didn't ask for it. I didn't tell them. Why would I? Because they would recoil if they only knew. I can't believe I'm actually writing this for everyone to see. I know it's a problem because my fixations make it hard to do homework or focus on the more important parts of my life. At this very moment, I am so scared. I know things will get better, and I maybe in a day, or a week, or a month, or in a year, I'll look at this post and think. Wow, really Willy?

I will reiterate what I said in the past. I can't believe it has taken me this long to get to where I am now. It isn't like this is something new. I've struggled with it all my life. I can't believe I didn't ever try to get it in check. With the way I am feeling right now, how did I ever make it this far? This weight is crushing. I'm gonna see my bishop tonight for guidance, and I'm trying to find a good counselor, but I guess evenings are hard to find spots in. I'll keep looking I guess.

The Union Station.

Note: My first words I wrote on this blog were words of discontent; unsure of what to write. The following is a short allegory of a series of events that are right now happening in my life. I hope that I can help make a union station.

There is a beautiful train station, in a beautiful city somewhere in the world. The station makes plans a month in advance with a new touring line for their passengers to disembark for a day tour to visit to their beautiful city. This is no problem and the reservation is gladly accepted and marked on the months calendar. It's a month away, and the platform is hardly used for anything other than visitors; their is on very slim occasions a standing contract for offloading freight for when another platform might be in use.

The platform on this occasion has a freight train that will be coming shortly before the touring line. The platform operators make adjustments and give a heads up to the touring line, as a sign of good faith and business that the freight train will have been through the platform days earlier- but that certainly there should be no issues with the touring line. Besides, there are commitments that have been made with the freight line (contracts if you will) months, if not years in advance that set precedence over any other train line that may have to go through. The touring line, carefully thinks the situation over, realizing that there guests have paid good money to see the beautiful city think nothing of the slim chances that a freight line might off-load more than can be moved by the platform alone.

Upon the appointed time, the freight line arrives and so begins the offloading of parcels, boxes, and other here's and there's that a freight line would leave for a city. Before anyone has anytime to make adjustments, the platform begins to realize that there is too much freight than there is platform. Tensions arises and angers and emotion flare and while the freight insists they are doing what they intended, the station looks in disarray at the beautiful platform realizing that in a matter of days, the touring line will come through only to look at platform not detailed in the golds, and jewels, of say- the union station, but as more of a filled in port of box cars, and pallets.

The freight train, only leaving a day before the touring line's arrival, leaves the platform owners in dismay and perplexity on how they may present a city and not present themselves. It is a consequence seemed unavoidable- The platform will have to remain more of a ship yard, than of a union station.

Meanwhile a touring line roles quickly across the steel rails provided for vacation, destination, and sometimes shipment. The platform radios the incoming touring train a few days in advance of the situation and the conductor of the train with little words accepts the difficult situation and and prepares himself mentally for what may turn into a large catastrophe.

While the touring line is now hours away from the station. The station simply keeps there best to work and stay focused, and the thoughts creep in, "maybe it's best to just smile and show them what boxes are like."

The touring line arrives and with slight embarrassment and with quick apologies to the conductor, the platform staff prepares their hands to accompany any and all guests off the train who would like to see the city.

The touring train doors open and the travelers step down the steps to find what looks to be boxes that stand as tall as the ceiling. Checking there tour guide, they are slightly disappointed. Except for a few small young ones who look up, and see all the different things, and ask "Mommy, are we gonna learn what its like to work with trains?". The mother realizing her son was watching the young platform hands help the visitors smiles and also reealizing it is best to make due with the situation at hand simply replies "Yes dear, we're going to learn what it's like to work on trains"

The mothers gathered together come to the conductor, and the platform operator, ask if they can help and learn what its like to offload a platform and to learn what it's like to work with trains. Bewildered the operator smiles at the offer and gratefully says, "yes" and with not much more thought, the visitors and the platform hands all happily work together to help finish clearing the little freight still standing idly.

Boxes are moved and train cars are investigated by curious young boys. Girls pull out toys from some of the boxes that were slightly mangled from the long journey. Parents hold their children's hand and take photographs as their children try on the large jumpsuits of the men working for the platform. Smiles are had, laughs are returned, and the families of the touring line realize that the day is now over, and as they look at the platform they realize that have helped restore the platform into what it is usually known as- The Union Station.

For the record

For being as open as I am, it is amazing how often I am misunderstood. Though anyone who understands me would take the time. Maybe even read this. If everyone read this I'm not sure I would have much more to explain. I don't always come at a straight angle and explain who I am. But its all here. If people knew that, it wouldn't matter because somehow people will figure out ways to judge you by what you don't ever say. Maybe its because I am in a constant state of change. But I am content with that. But damned if its not hard as hell for people to keep up with. Maybe they don't want to keep up.

Head rushes are fun.

It's late I know, but tonight has been a good night for contemplation of sorts.
I haven't talked to anyone really at all today except for a few texts that tied the knots of a few conversations from the previous night. Altogether the day has been simply all about me. No one asking for favors, no wanting to hangout, no one really wondering how I am. Simply me time. Though today this was not the case, this "me" time can be difficult actually. Some people need that alone time. I suppose I need it too sometimes, but I wasn't really looking for it today. It just sort of happened. I did a lot of thinking. Here are some of my thoughts. Ready? Go.

I think some people went out tonight; I didn't get invited. I think I'm ok with that I think. I'm glad to know where I stand. Sounds weird if I were just to leave it like that, but what I mean is, I know where I stand with these people. I see their smiling faces at church and at different events, and I know they're just doing it to be nice. I appreciate that. Thanks for making it not awkward that you don't actually get me. Silly people really, because I suppose they can't handle anything that my be out there, or unorthodox. Still the same, I don't mind.

I'm glad I had something to do tonight even though I didn't go out. There's nothing else worse than when you are sitting at home, wishing you had something to do. That is where emotionally you drain or yourself- or at least I do. I hate not having purpose! It's the worse feeling in the world. You sit, and stare and wonder, What the hell am I doing? What should I be doing? Why am not doing it? Wait, what was I doing? Oh ya. Nothing. That's horrible!!! I'm so glad that's not how things were tonight

I was doing nice things for very nice people. I am making a craft niknak thing. It's pretty coo. I was inspired because of a blog. I have referred to it in a previous post about "I could do that"... The "I could do that" is a craft that I am making for my friend, and I can't wait to give it. It's gonna be awesome. I hope I don't give anything away by publishing this post.

My hands are so sore though, I was screwing in these little eyelets into a piece of wood, and oh man, my fingers hurt soooo bad. Labors of love, I say! It's that feeling you get when you haven't been playing your guitar like you should for a while, and your press down on the strings, and after 15 or 20 minutes of playing you fingers are super sensitive and you don't wanna press down on anything. That's this.

I had a really good nap earlier. Thank you to my brother for waking me up, before I slept through the whole effing night. That would have really screwed up my sleeping habits. So here I am writing a post recounting my adventures of today. Work today, I felt alone. or distant from friends and family. I think it's slightly because I was tired. I didn't feel depressed as I accounted to one of my friends who had text me (she had been bragging that she was at the beach and it was 78 degrees, that bitch, just kidding /no bitch) it was a feeling of silence and slight distance as if you're on your own private island for a day. The great feelings of being on your own private island superseding the feelings that it would be nice to have someone with you. That's what it was today. It was refreshing.

I got work done. I'm almost done with my craft project. I have church tomorrow. I'm gonna finish my project and then work on studying for my classes. It's been, and it's gonna finish to be a good weekend.

:)

I'm thankful

Im thankful for friends and family, that accept me for more than my impecible and dashing good looks. That accept the heart that I carry so closely on my sleeve. I'm not perfect and am often misunderstood. I do it to myself. I am a wild card by nature.

I'm thankful for the man walking down the street that slurred the small words "wonderful day". I'm thankful for his positive attitude as it was obvious with his cane he was overcoming some sort of paralysis. God bless him.

Thankful for good music, and for people who share it with me. I'm so thankful for so many things in my life, and I must also give credit to a dear God who sees fit to make my life a living hell. I am thankful that I am given the strength, tools, friends, and family to overcome such obsticles to create for myself a soul that I could not have done for myself

"I could do that"

It's a great phrase. Possibly the greatest phrase in American history.

Every leader of our country in government, business, and entertainment (sports or otherwise) has spoken those very words at one point or another. Each leader at a young age most likely had a hero, or possibly a villain they believed that they could become or possibly conquer. Some of those villains might have been mental. With each person, within themselves is a great resolve for greatness. It begins with "I could do that." and every person who has lost hope probably held their dreams in their grasp for a brief moment, only to shortly lose it. They may have said "I could've have done that" followed by a simple or elaborate excuse on why they never reached there full potential.

"I could do that", can be extremely simple, like going to the store instead making your mother go instead. And as dark as the circumstance may be, "I could do that" could be as prolific as one man in Tunisia who when he set himself ablaze inadvertently lead a revolution. The others who felt as he did may be saying, "we can do this" now.

Mahatma Gandhi said:

"be the change that you want to see in the world."

Indeed we have that ability to be that change in the world.

More simply, I found something that I didn't expect to be the change in, but tonight as I was reading my friends blog I saw some interesting designs and I thought to myself. "I can do that". It was simple really, all I need in supplies is about 25 or 30 dollars. The items were being sold for over 100 dollars. Not only did I know that I could do that, I knew that I could be better!

So I pose a question: Who do we see or what do see that we say, "I could do that" and can't we also say in the same thought, "...and I can do it better". Without any sort of dishonest pride, we we should want to be able to do something better than someone else. This is innovation. This is why we have AC and DC current. This is why we have Android and Apple. Why we have NASA and the fallen Soviet Space Program.

It's interesting what your mind can spark if you give it a small seed. All I thought about was making these cool nic-nacs for a fraction of the price. My mind began to question, "What else can you do Willy?" It's time to stop going to work for the purpose of getting a paycheck. It's time for others to get inside there own head and figure out what we all can do, that others are doing as well.

Here's a math equation for you

I (could) do that + will = I will do that

Mitch, if you're reading this, I know.

Sometimes we love music because its beautiful, and the artist makes it like a beautiful play full of hopes and happy endings. We are sad when it the show ends but are thankful for the stories we learned. An artist's music is no exception.

Sometimes we love one man's music like we love a car crash. We feed of the drama the chaos, the terror. Want an example? How about Kurt cobain. Was that music beautiful. Absolutely. Was it tragic? Of course. How did it in? Like any accident the crowd disperses and we never forget.

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Aint it special?

Isn't it so special when you find someone you connect with?
There is a bond between you and that person.
You can't see it and it doesn't understand distance.
You can barely feel it. It is magnetism.
Sometimes it's really strong. Like your getting pulled by a bungee chord.
you're velocity increases exponentially.
All the while, it's gentle.
You wouldn't want to get pulled along.
a connection is deep like an ocean. It's soft like a feather.
It's as dense as a encyclopedia, but reads like a childrens book.
You weren't looking for it, but if you lost it you would cry.
A connection agrees with everything.
A connection argues but laughs about it at dinner.
This connection never goes away.
"The mystic cords of memory will swell when again touched"
A connection cannot tarnish.
Silver. Gold. Platinum.
Just take care of it, and clean it once in a while.
People love to admire your connection.
What a beautiful connection. How did it happen?
A kiss on the cheek. A kiss on the lips. A hug goodbye. A Hug hello.
A connection is charished and loved.
A connection is family.
A connection grows old gracefully.
A connection never dies.
eternal.

Bahahahahahah

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Twilight zone will screw with your head!

It's been a while!

I need to be better! I was doing so good earlier! I don't really have anything to say of any real importance other than checking in to say that I'm alive!

School has started and I'm back into that. I'm taking Econ, History, and psych- all of which are not really my favorite, but I don't really hate them either like math or science. Granted econ and psych are slightly about math and science but a little bit off. I think so far I like all my teachers. I'm pretty excited to see what this new year brings!!! Gonna try to keep that 4.0 yo. I'm meeting new people. I'm seeing new things it's been very good to me!

Aaannnnnnnnd for now, I'm off facebook. I feel like it's so consuming for me. I am far too involved with it. I should be blogging! Reading! Schooling! Talking friends! Riding bikes! Running! Running faster than bikes! Thinking logically! Sleeping! Watching the Twilight zone!

I've been watching the twilight zone soooooooooo much. It's so awesome. It's like my most favorite show. It's crazy the stuff they came up with the 60s. I watched this episode the other night where there was this old man in a bar, and he had a box full of nik-naks and he asked if anyone needed anything, and they would tell him "I need matches" and he said "no you neeed this hand solvent" or "you need this bus ticket" and it would turn out that the dude with the bus ticket needed to go to skranton because he was gonna go back into baseball, and the other lady helped him clean his face with the solvent. But then their was one dude who was a big ol negative nancy and he kept pestering the old man "what do I need?" and was gettting obsessive, and threatened to kill the old man. The old man told him he needed to leather sole'd shoes, and so he put them on and when he went to try to attack the old man, the guy was in the middle of the street and couldn't escape as car turned the corner, and it struck him and he died. The moral... was not a very nice one. But WHOA twilight zone, WHOA! Did you see what you just did there? I just raised my voice!!

Oh I love twilight zone. Anyways, new week, new fun, new friends, new learning. That's all I can really ask for right now!